Jackie Chan is a rollerblade
whats the meaning of life? son, its those little tiny pumpkins. the ones that are mad small. you know the ones i mean.
housesitting two ugly dogs and makin monnnaaaayyyy
102 YEARS AGO
THEY’RE ALL SKELETONS FIGHTING IN THE UNDERWATER SKELETON WAR NOW
I’m sure they are very chill right now.
You might even say they’re…
ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT
why dont these words rhyme
but for some god forsaken reason pony and bologna do
Teen Movies: 8tracks Collection
I want John Cusack holding a boombox outside my window. I wanna ride off on a lawnmower with Patrick Dempsey. I want Jake from Sixteen Candles waiting outside the church for me. I want Judd Nelson thrusting his fist into the air because he knows he got me. Just once I want my life to be like an 80’s movie, preferably one with a really awesome musical number for no apparent reason.
80s Boombox: 01. The Breakfast Club - Don’t You Forget About Me; Simple Minds | 02. Say Anything - In Your Eyes; Peter Gabriel | 03. Dirty Dancing - Eyes; Eric Carmen | 04. Pretty In Pink - If You Leave; Orchestral Manoeuvres In The Dark | 05. Some Kind Of Wonderful - She Loves Me; Stephen Duffy | 06. Valley Girl - I Melt With You Modern English | 07. Sixteen Candles - True; Spandau Ballet | 08. Pretty In Pink - Try A Little Tenderness; Otis Redding | 09. Dirty Dancing - The Time Of My Life; Bill Medley & Jennifer Warnes | 10. Top Gun - Take My Breath Away; Berlin | 11. Sixteen Candles - If You Were Here; Thompson Twins | 12. Mannequin - Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now; Starship | 13. Some Kind Of Wonderful - Abuse (Dr. Mabuse Remix); Propaganda | 14. Back To The Future - Power of Love; Huey Lewis and the News | 15. Can’t Buy Me Love - All Night; Randy Hall | 16. The Breakfast Club - We Are Not Alone; Karla DeVito | 17. St. Elmo’s Street - Man In Motion; John Parr | 18. Footloose - Footloose; Kenny Loggins | 19. Risky Business - Old Time Rock N Roll; Bob Seger | 20. Ferris Bueller’s Day Off - Twist And Shout; The Beatles | 21. Back To The Future - Johnny B. Goode; Chuck Berry | 22. The Blues Brothers - Shake A Tail Feather; The Blues Brothers feat. Ray Charles | 23. Flashdance - What A Feeling; Irene Cara | 24. Can’t Buy Me Love - Can’t Buy Me Love; The Beatles | 25. Happy Together - Happy Together; The Turtles | 26. Dream A Little Dream - Dream A Little Dream Me; Mel Tormé and Mickey Thomas | 27. Real Genius - Everybody Wants To Rule The World; Tears For Fears | 28. Heathers - Teenage Suicide (Don’t Do It); Big Fun | 29. Weird Science - Weird Science; Oingo Boingo | 30. Ferris Bueller’s Day Off - Oh Yeah; Yello. [LISTEN]
90s Discman: 01. Cruel Intentions - Bittersweet Symphony; The Verve | 02. Romeo + Juliet - Lovefool; The Cardigans. | 03. Armagedon - I Don’t Want To Miss A Thing Aerosmith | 04. Freaks and Geeks - Bad Reputation; Joan Jett and the Blackhearts | 05. She’s All That - Rockafeller; Skank Fatboy Slim | 06. Clueless - Kids In America; The Muffs | 07. Can’t Hardly Wait - I Can’t Get Enough Of You, Baby; Smash Mouth | 08. 10 Things I Hate About You - I Want You To Want Me; Letters To Cleo |09. She’s All That - Kiss Me; Sixpence None The Richer | 10. Cruel Intentions - Colorblind; Counting Crows | 11. Romeo + Juliet - Talk Show Host; Radiohead | 12. Dawson’s Creek - I Don’t Want To Wait; Paula Cole | 13. I Know What You Did Last Summer - Clumsy; Our Lady Peace | 14. Buffy The Vampire Slayer - Buffy Theme; Nerf Herder | 15. Jawbreaker - Yoo Hoo; Imperial Teen | 16. Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Dead - Draggin’ The Line; Beat Goes Bang | 17. American Pie - Mutt; Blink 182 | 18. Empire Records - Sugarhigh; Coyote Shivers | 19. Drive Me Crazy - Keep On Loving You; The Donnas | 20. Clueless - Alright; Supergrass | 21. Hayley Wagner, Star - Look At Me; Geri Halliwell | 22. Teaching Mrs Tingle - Sorry; Stretch Princess | 23. Wish Upon A Star - Heaven; Moonpools and Caterpillars | 24.10 Things I Hate About You - Can’t Take My Eyes Off You; Heath Ledger | 25. Buffy The Vampire Slayer - Little Heaven; Toad The Wet Sprocket | 26. Empire Records - Til I Hear It From You; Gin Blossoms | 27. Election - This Road I’m Traveling; Mojave 3 | 28. That Thing You Do - That Thing You Do; The Wonders | 29. Titanic - My Heart Will Go On; Celine Dion | 30. Drive Me Crazy - (You Drive Me) Crazy; Britney Spears. [LISTEN]
00s MP3 Player: 01. A Walk To Remember - Someday We’ll Know; Mandy Moore and Jon Foreman | 02. A Cinderella Story - I’ll Be; Edwin McCain | 03. Down To You - Let’s Stay Together; Seal | 04. Juno - Anyone Else But You; The Moldy Peaches | 05. (500) Days Of Summer - She’s Got You High; Mumm Ra | 06. The O.C. - California; Phantom Planet | 07. Veronica Mars - We Used To Be Friends; The Dandy Warhols | 08. Mean Girls - God Is A DJ; P!nk | 09. Legally Blonde - Perfect Day; Hoku | 10. Bring It On - Hey Mickey; B*Witched | 11. The Princess Diaries - Miracles Happen; Myra | 12. Just My Luck - Just My Luck; McFly | 13. She’s The Man - 4Ever; The Veronicas | 14. Freaky Friday - What I Like About You; Lillix | 15. The Perfect Man - I Will Learn To Love Again; Kaci Brown | 16. Wild Child - Let Me Think About It; Ida Corr vs. Fedde Le Grand | 17. Boys and Girls - Can’t Stop The Rock; Apollo 440 | 18. Freaky Friday - Happy Together; Simple Plan | 19. Josie And The Pussycats - Three Small Words; Rachael Leigh Cook, Tara Reid and Rosario Dawson | 20. Save The Last Dance - All Or Nothing; Athena Cage | 21. Whatever It Takes - Charm Attack; Leona Naess | 22. Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen - That Girl; Lindsay Lohan | 23. Lizzie McGuire - What Dreams Are Made Of; Hilary Duff | 24. Raise Your Voice - Someone’s Watching Over Me; Hilary Duff | 25. What A Girl Wants - Long Time Coming; Oliver James | 26. A Walk To Remember - Only Hope; Mandy Moore | 27. Get Over It - Dream Of Me; Kirsten Dunst | 28. The Notebook - I’ll Be Seeing You; Billie Holiday | 29. The Prince and Me - I Hope That I Don’t Fall In Love With You; Marc Cohn | 30. The Sisterhood Of The Traveling Pants - These Days; Chantal Kreviazuk. [LISTEN]
10s Smartphone: 01. Pitch Perfect - Cups (When I’m Gone) Anna Kendrick | 02. Easy A - Change Of Seasons Sweet Thing | 03. The Fault In Our Stars - Boom Clap; Charli XCX | 04. Veronica Mars - Stick Up; Max | 05. Twilight - Black Hole; Muse | 06. Divergent - Beating Heart; Ellie Goulding | 07. Vampire Academy - Bela Lugosi’s; Dead Chvrches | 08. G.B.F. - Body Work; Morgan Page feat. Tegan & Sara | 09. The First Time - Wait For Me; Motopony | 10. Veronica Mars - Prosthetic Love; Typhoon | 11. Catching Fire - Silhouettes; Of Monsters And Men | 12. The Spectacular Now - Song For Zula; Phosphorescent | 13. Breaking Dawn - Turning Page; Sleeping At Last | 14. The Fault In Our Stars - All Of The Stars; Ed Sheeran | 15. The Hunger Games - Safe & Sound; Taylor Swift and The Civil Wars | 16. Beautiful Creatures - Never Too Late; Thenewno2 | 17. The To Do List - Fade Into You; Mazzy Star | 18. City of Bones - When The Darkness Comes; Colbie Caillat | 19. Vampire Academy - Spiritual; Katy Perry | 20. Divergent - I Need You; M83 | 21. The Bling Ring - All Of The Lights; Kanye West feat. Rihanna, Kid Cudi | 22. Pitch Perfect - Price Tag / Don’t You Forget About Me / Give Me Everything; The Barden Bellas | 23. Dirty Girl - Your Love; The Outfield | 24. The Perks Of Being A Wallflower - Heroes; David Bowie | 25. Easy A - Knock On Wood; Emma Stone | 26. It’s Kind Of A Funny Story - Where Is My Mind; Maxence Cyrin. [LISTEN]
By far the playlist that took me the longest to compile.
so here’s a fun story about this movie. guess who loves this movie? me! i do! i love this movie. i love this movie so much that when i was in the 7th grade and i saw “first wives club 2” on pay per view i was like: HELL YEAH!! FIRST WIVES CLUB TWO!! NO ONE TOLD ME THERE WAS A SEQUEL!!!
here’s the synopsis for first wives club 2:
disgruntled first wives take their ex-husbands’ new lovers under their wing.
sounds great, right? awesome viewing material for a precocious 11-year-old.
so i buy this movie, and like, three minutes into it i’m starting to feel suspicious?? like it’s really low quality and my girls are nowhere in sight?? how come none of the first wives are the same?? how come they’re alone in a bedroom with mood lighting?? why is she taking off her shirt?? why are they both taking off their shirts?? WHY ARE THEY—
here’s what i did not know about first wives club 2:
- it is a lesbian porno of no relation to the beloved 1996 classic.
so of course i, horrified that i’ve accidentally bought porn on my family’s account (and in that state of panic that kids work themselves into whenever anything regarding sex is mentioned), quickly shut off the TV and go upstairs and watch an episode of veggie tales to like, cleanse my soul and apologize to jesus, and that’s that.
EXCEPT, OF COURSE:
- you have to pay for pay per view.
so the end of the month comes and i have completely put this incident out of my mind, haha, i accidentally bought porn, how funny, TELL NO ONE. right? and i’m sitting at a nice dinner with my mother, my stepfather, and my very religious aunt deb, and we’re just talking about farm things, whatever, when suddenly my mother puts her fork down and says, “okay, there’s something we need to discuss. as a family.”
- AS A FAMILY.
and i’m like, running through a list of people i know who could conceivably be dead, and fantasizing about my mother announcing that she’s going to buy me My Own Computer Just Because U Earned It Kiddo, and she pulls out a piece of paper that says DIRECTV across the top. and i’m like: OH NO.
"i received the tv bill today," my mother said, and i was like, shoveling potatoes into my mouth as fast as i could because i knew that when i went to PORN PRISON they weren’t going to feed me this kind of quality starch. "does anybody want to tell me who purchased the pornography?"
as a reminder, a quick table survey:
- my mother, surprised and disappointed by the porn bill (innocent)
- my stepfather, a grumbly old cowboy who just wants to sing along to kenny chesney and watch the hunt for red october (innocent)
- my aunt deb, a super religious catholic whose best friend is a nun named Sister Placid (innocent)
- me, the 11-year-old with a mouthful of potatoes who definitely purchased the lesbian pornography
my mother said, “i’m not going to ask again.”
my aunt looked at my stepdad. my stepdad looked at my aunt. NOBODY LOOKED AT ME, THE 11-YEAR-OLD WITH A MOUTHFUL OF POTATOES WHO DEFINITELY PURCHASED THE LESBIAN PORNOGRAPHY.
my mother shook her head and put the bill down. “this was incredibly inappropriate,” she said. “skip, deb, whoever. buy that shit on your own time. i’m not paying for it. what if molly had seen it?”
- WHAT IF MOLLY HAD SEEN IT?
"don’t expose my kid to that crap."
- MY KID
- TO THAT CRAP
"if you want to watch porn, fine, but do it in private and don’t expect me to pay for it. i can’t believe one of you did that in the living room."
- I CAN’T BELIEVE ONE OF YOU DID THAT
- IN THE LIVING ROOM
but molly, why didn’t you own up to it and explain that it was an accident?
- are you fucking kidding
- i did not want to go to porn prison
the fun conclusion to this story is that i never owned up to it, which means that there are 3 people in the world who have not solved the mystery of the lesbian porn. a quick survey:
- my mother, who lives every day wondering whose porn she paid for
- my stepfather, who probably wishes he knew less about his wife’s sister’s porn preferences
- my aunt, who probably wishes she knew less about her sister’s husband’s porn preferences
but molly, why don’t you own up to it now, with the safety of time and distance and the knowledge that porn prison isn’t real?
- are you fucking kidding
- this is the best thing i’ve ever done
These are not mine but I wanted to bring them together!
Go check out the artist, they have a blog full of really great art!
me everytime a character in a movie has to get a few drops of their blood for some ritual bullshit (via jtoday)
WHILE WE’RE AT IT, why do people try to cross those skinny bridges over lava/chasms/whatever by walking upright. IT’S CALLED CENTER OF GRAVITY. get on your hands and knees and crawl across that thing. HUG IT. SCOOT YOUR BUTT ACROSS. “but i look stupid!” lalalala but we’ll avoid that ~dramatic moment~ where you almost fall over and die because your damn fucking self wanted to look COOL
and stop yanking IV lines out of your arms the minute you wake up in the hospital
That is a broadsword, why are you fencing with it
There is a freaking door right there. Stop smashing through windows, damn it.
yes, mr. action hero, I am aware that running dramatically from the baddies at breakneck speed is important, but know what else is important? NOT GETTING SHOT. RUN IN A FUCKING ZIGZAG PATTERN ON THE OFF CHANCE THAT THE MOOKS WERE NOT COACHED IN MARKSMANSHIP BY THE IMPERIAL STORMTROOPERS.
Oh, hey, you there, sneaky hero-type breaking into any place for any reason? WEAR SOME FUCKING GLOVES. They’re called fingerprints, dumbass. You have them and you’re putting them all over the fucking place.
If something really fucking huge is falling on you, don’t FUCKING RUN ALONG THE LENGTH JUST TAKE LIKE TWO FUCKING STEPS TO THE SIDE